


I for One, Haven't Seen the Sun

by beenicetobees



Category: Space Force (TV)
Genre: Gen, Homophobia, Jewish Character, Not Beta Read, Parent Fic, Parental Death, parent fuck tony, this is entirely self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25098163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beenicetobees/pseuds/beenicetobees
Summary: “Listen, I just want to thank you for what you're doing.” she started bouncing Marina up and down, absently. Tony tilted his head to the side.“What am I doing?” he asked, confused.“You know, taking in Marina,”--Most people wouldn't consider Fuck Tony Scarapiducci father material. He's loud, obnoxious, and selfish. But that won't stop him from doing everything he can to raise his niece right.
Comments: 33
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is super self indulgent, I had the idea and I just went with it. This is barely even about Space Force, I just love Tony so much, and I wanted to explore what he would do in a situation the show would never put him in. 
> 
> Just a warning, there's no relationship in this story, I didn't feel like it fit. However, if people like this or if I just want to, I'll definitely do some spin off one shots with Tony/Chan, because I love them.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets some difficult news.

Naird wouldn’t admit it to anybody, but most of the time his job was super boring. Unlike the scientists, he didn’t have anything to do between wars, so most of the day he just sat in his office, mindlessly looking through paperwork and reviewing military strategy that he’d memorized. Any and all distractions were a blessing, so when his door burst open, he eagerly sat up, guiltily hoping that there was some sort of crisis he could attend to. 

“Fuck Tony’s here to see you!” Brad called from the waiting area, too late to give him any kind of warning. He waved a hand and Brad quietly closed the door, leaving them in privacy. Tony was fidgeting with his normal energy, refusing to sit down, but there was something off about him. Everything seemed forced. 

“I would like to request a week off sir,” he said, leaning forward against the back of the chair. He bit his lip as he waited for Naird’s response. 

“Well, Tony, we have a few conferences this week that you are necessary for, may I have the reason for your time off?” Naird returned his eyes to the papers on his desk, having decided that this was not an issue that needed his full attention. 

“My uh, my sister died,” At the matter-of-fact admission, Naird’s gaze snapped back up to the young man in front of him. No hint of emotion could be seen on his carefully schooled face, but his hands were gripping the chair in front of him so intensely that they would probably permanently stretch the fabric. 

“Jesus Christ, Tony, I’m sorry,” comfort wasn’t his strong suit, and he would much prefer if this whole situation left his office immediately. “Were you two close?”

“Yeah, I uh,” he took a breath, “I just need to go back to New York for the funeral, and I need to sit shiva for seven days after that, then I’ll be right back to work, you won’t even know I’m gone. I’m sure you could use a break from me anyway,” he cringed minutely at the way his voice quavered at the last sentence. 

“No, Tony, that’s not what I’m worried about, God,” Naird put his head in his hands for a second, taking a deep breath, “Okay, you should take three weeks off. Go be with your family. We’ll be okay without you,” Tony straightened up, adopting his over-the-top persona once more.

“Are you sure? What if you start a war by accident because you tweeted the wrong joke? Space Force is nothing without its voice. I’m basically the whole reason you’re still around,” the deflection was obvious and poorly done, but Naird decided to humor him. After all, he had always been one to ignore difficult feelings himself. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure we’ll manage without the great Fuck Tony Scarapiducci for three weeks,” he deliberately moved his gaze back to his desk, showing that Tony was free to go, and that his time off request would be processed. Tony nodded once, and moved toward the door to leave just as Mallory entered the office. 

“Hey science man! Don’t blow anything up while I’m gone, I don’t want to miss that!” Tony slapped him hard on the back, knocking him slightly forward, then half skipped out the room. Mallory rolled his eyes and approached the desk. 

“Goodness, I hate him so much. Why does he feel the need to be that way,” sneered Mallory as he took a seat in the abused desk chair. Naird hummed softly as he watched the boy go, remembering the nearly imperceptible ways he showed his shock. He shook off the concern and turned back to Mallory, getting ready to move forward with his day. 

\--

On the street outside his childhood home, Tony steeled himself for what was to come. He never went home, except on holidays, and then he had Abby there to get him through it. 

Abby was one year younger than him, but she had always been a huge support to him. She was smart, and kind, and everything he wasn’t. When Tony turned out to be the disappointment they were expecting, their parents turned to Abby to fulfill their fantasy of a perfect child.

She was a nurse, she held onto her faith, she got married to David (Oh, god, David), and she had just had her first child. She was perfect, and she didn’t deserve to die. 

It was a selfish idea, but Tony was angry at her for dying and leaving him to grieve alone with their parents. There was no way that this family would stay together without the glue. Guilty of these intrusive thoughts, Tony set his shoulders, took a deep breath, and walked up to the front door. 

Immediately he was hit with chaos. Cousins he barely knew ran through the halls, being yelled at by their parents for being too loud. Great aunts and uncles hustled around the kitchen, desperately trying to make themselves useful. People he didn’t recognize who he assumed were David’s family were hugging and crying in every room of the house, and right in the middle of it all, on the living room sofa, were his mother and father. Slowly, he made his way to the living room, and sat down on the chair across from them.

They were sitting as far away from each other as possible, each of them leaning against an arm of the couch. His father had the morning paper open in front of him, and his mother stared into the middle distance, her hands clasped in her lap. Neither of them acknowledged his presence. 

“Hey Mom, hey Pops,” he started. His dad grunted in response, letting Tony know that he knew he was there. His mom didn’t move. “Mom?” he reached over and placed a hand on her knee, gently shaking her. “Ima?” a single tear fell down her face. 

“Abby used to call me that. When you started calling me Mom in middle school, she didn’t. She was such a good girl,” she broke into a sob, her hand coming up to cover her face. Tony ignored the twinge of guilt he felt at her words and took her other hand in his own, trying to provide what comfort he could. No words he could say would make her feel better, so they sat in silence as she cried. 

“The funeral is in an hour, so if you were going to put on an actual outfit for it, I would suggest you do that now. You’re staying in the basement guest room,” she wiped her eyes and let go of his hand, back to her aloof, uncaring self once more. 

“Who’s staying in our room?” he asked. The room that he and Abby had shared growing up was the one part of the house he found comfort in. His best memories from childhood were in that room, with her. 

“Nobody. That room is to remain untouched, do you hear me Anthony?” her glare was a warning, as if she thought Tony would destroy Abby’s memory by just stepping through the door of her old room, even though it was his too. He could see in her eyes the disdain she held for him, the venom on her tongue that everyone chose to ignore. He nodded, knowing that he held no control, and there was nothing he could do. He wouldn’t go into the room. 

“Who’s taking care of Marina? Can I say hi to her?” he asked. He felt slightly guilty that Abby’s now orphaned daughter wasn’t the first thing he asked about, but he had been worried for his mother’s health when he first walked in. 

“Aunt Judy just put her down for a nap. You can see her at the funeral,” when she finished her sentence, she resumed her stare at the wall, and Tony knew that he wouldn’t succeed in getting any more conversation out of her. He nodded, patted her knee quickly and got up to go settle in and get dressed. 

\--

The funeral was short, but there were more people attending than Tony had ever seen at a family dinner. She and David were beloved by many more than he could imagine.

Marina was being held in David’s mother’s arms (What was her name again?), awake and looking around. She was quiet for a five month old, her dark hair was thick and curly already, just like Abby’s was at her age, and just like his was. She made eye contact with him, watching with wide eyes as Tony smiled and waved at her. She giggled when he made a silly face at her, which made him and David’s mother (Sarah! That was her name.) smile, but a harsh kick in the shin from his mom reminded him to stop being distracting and listen to the rabbi. 

His gaze kept gravitating toward Marina though, and he felt a deep sympathy form in his soul for the little girl who was going to grow up without her mother and father. When she was born, he remembered being so sure that she was going to grow up happy and healthy, because her mother was the best woman in the whole world. There was no way he could have anticipated this. 

As the funeral ended and everyone started heading back to the Scarapiducci’s house for the meal, Sarah approached him, Marina in her arms. She smiled warmly at him. 

“Hi Tony,” she said in greeting, adjusting her grip on Marina to give him a one armed hug. “I’m so sorry for your loss,” He hugged her back tightly, careful not to jostle the baby. 

“Hey Sarah,” he replied, then knelt down to be eye level with Marina, “and hello to you, marinara sauce!” he booped her on the nose, which made her laugh again. He grinned at her, then straightened up to talk to Sarah again. “I’m sorry too, David was a great guy. I didn’t get much one on one time with him, but he was so kind to everyone he talked to,” he saw tears come to her eyes.

“Yeah, he was,” she whispered. She cleared her throat harshly. “Listen, I just want to thank you for what you're doing.” she started bouncing Marina up and down, absently. Tony tilted his head to the side.

“What am I doing?” he asked, confused. 

“You know, taking in Marina,” she responded, looking down at the baby’s face on her shoulder, “I’m so pleased that you were David and Abby’s first choice for custody. I know you’ll do a wonderful job raising her,”

Tony felt bile rising in his throat. His heart rate rose to a pace that he could feel in his brain as he was hit with that information. The thought of who would be taking care of Abby’s daughter had crossed his mind of course, but he never in a million years thought that he would be the one doing it. He thought that maybe his parents, well no, Abby knows not to trust them with a child, but David’s parents, or, no, they were both really old, and David was an only child, so who else would it be? Fuck. 

“Oh.” he said haltingly, “uh, yeah of course,” he swallowed thickly, then cleared his throat. His hands flitted anxiously at his sides, “Would you mind holding on to her for a little while longer Sarah? I have to go talk to my mother.” 

\--

He found his mom in the kitchen, peeling potatoes. He stormed into the room, taking the peeler from her hands. He started peeling the potatoes aggressively, taking out his frustrations on the root vegetable instead of his mom. 

“So I heard the most interesting thing today,” he began. She took a knife off the wall and directed her attention to chopping carrots instead, “I heard that in Abby and David’s will, they gave me custody of Marina. Do you know why I wasn’t aware of this? Sarah thought I knew!” he feigned ignorance, his voice dripping with passive aggression. He knew exactly why he didn’t know about the arrangement.

“Why does it matter, Anthony?” she responded, speedily dicing the carrot in front of her, “You’re not going to be taking her. I am,”

“Oh is that so?”

“I don’t know what they were thinking when they gave you custody, but your father and I won’t let that mistake get made. Everyone knows that you can’t take care of a child, what with your lifestyle,” There it was. The phase he was waiting to hear come from her mouth. 

“What about my lifestyle can’t support a child, Mom? There’s really good childcare at my job, I get paid more than enough to take care of myself and her, my place big enough to raise a kid in, it’s even big enough to get a dog later, if she wants one.” he put down the potato and looked at her, “I actually think that I’m a better fit for her than you and Dad are,” She didn’t look up from the task in front of her once during his monologue.

“You know what part of your lifestyle I’m talking about Anthony. Every girl needs a woman in her life to grow up right, and living with you she would never have that,” The calm way she expressed her aggression made him feel sick to his stomach. He chuckled darkly.

“I see. You don’t want me to raise Marina because you’re homophobic. This has nothing to do with her.” 

“Not everything is about you, Tony! I just want what’s best for the child,” she finally put the knife down and wiped her hands on the tea towel.

“What’s best for the child?” his calm exterior shattered and he raised his voice, throwing his arms up into the air, “You think what’s best for her is growing up in a cold empty house, with two old people who don’t talk to each other? You think what’s best for her is raising her the way you raised me, trying to make her into another Abby? Well I have news for you! Abby is dead and she’s never coming back,” the words got caught in his throat, and he pulled himself together, painfully aware of the various aunts and cousins who were unsubtly hanging close to the kitchen door, pretending not to eavesdrop. 

“Abby is gone, and her last wish was for me to raise her daughter. Are you going to deny her that?” he pleaded with her, leaning toward her as she still refused to look him in the eye. “I’m taking her back to Colorado no matter what you say, so the question is, are you going to support me in that? Are you going to have a relationship with your granddaughter?” 

She rushed out of the kitchen leaving him with four chopped carrots and a half peeled potato. He leaned against the counter, sighing. Soon after he was ushered out of the kitchen by several aunts who took over preparing the meal. 

In the living room, he found Sarah on one of the chairs holding a crying Marina. She smiled tiredly at him as he approached. 

“How about I take her, Sarah. You can take a rest,” she gratefully passed the baby into his arms. 

“Sorry that I dropped that on you earlier, Tony,” she said as she sunk back in the chair, “It seemed like maybe you didn’t know about the arrangement yet,”

“No worries,” he said, rocking her back and forth his arms, “My mom was a little bit confused, but we figured everything out. Marinara sauce is oh so excited about coming home with me!” she didn’t look excited. She was wailing at the top of her lungs, wriggling around in his grip. “Is she hungry?” he asked Sarah. He was suddenly struck with just how much he didn’t know, and he started to feel the immobilizing dread that had overcome him before once again.

“Maybe,” said Sarah, “do you want me to teach you how to warm up a bottle?” she slowly pushed herself out of the chair, waving away the hand he extended to help her. He felt as if he could cry from her kindness, but he didn’t. He hadn’t cried about anything. 

Sarah was his sister’s mother-in-law, a woman who he had barely said two words to before the funeral, but in the first few days they were sitting Shiva together, she taught him how to warm a bottle, how to prepare baby food, how to change a diaper, how to give her a bath, and how to put her down to sleep. 

At the end of the week, after Marina’s baby supplies were packed into the u-haul, and Marina was strapped into her car seat in the backseat of the taxi, it was Sarah that he hugged the tightest.

“You take care of yourself, Tony,” she said, her bony hand firmly resting on his shoulder. He nodded at her, then pulled her into another hug for good luck. 

“Thank you,” he whispered into her shoulder. She patted him on the back, and they said their goodbyes. He started to get in the cab and tell the driver where to go when he heard someone shout for him to wait. He looked up to see his mother moving towards them. He sighed and got out of the car. 

“What, Mom?” He asked, his arms crossed. She hadn’t spoken to him since their confrontation in the kitchen that day. 

“Listen, Anthony,” she started, but he cut her off.

“It’s Tony.” she sighed, her shoulders slumped.

“Tony, I just want you to know that I wasn’t implying that you were the wrong person to raise Marina,”

“Yeah, you said that, actually,” he snapped. She continued, ignoring his interjection.

“I just wanted to watch her grow up. She’s all I have left!” she was fully crying now, reaching past him towards Marina. Tony sighed, ashamed of how pathetic she was. 

“Ima,” he said. She looked him in the eyes for the first time in a week, “If you change, like actually change, you will watch her grow up. As a grandmother. But we’re going to stay away until you prove that you deserve that.” without another word, he got into the back of the cab next to Marina, and they drove off to the airport, ready to start their new life together in Colorado.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Marina go to the store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very short filler chapter to go between the bigger ones.

He had been given three weeks off, so he spent the next two week baby proofing his house and reading parenting blogs. There’s only so much an old woman can teach him in a week. Marina sat in her crib in the living room while he cleared out the spare room. He decided to paint it sky blue, to match the furniture he brought from Abby’s house. He decorated it as nicely as he could with what he had, but it ended up looking pretty sparse. He had been sporting a minimalist aesthetic before this, to keep up with the current trends. He didn’t want her to grow up in a room with nothing in it, so he put her in the front sling that he had just mastered putting on, and they went shopping together. 

They got some space themed wall art, and a blanket with stars on it. He figured there was no point in her living in Wild Horse, Colorado if she didn’t get interested in space early on. He also stocked up on formula and baby food. She had a lot of clothes already, but he couldn’t resist buying her a new outfit or two. He was an influencer after all, cute was his passion. 

Marina babbled animatedly from her sling, reaching up to pull at his ears. 

“No thank you Mari Bear! That hurts,” he groaned, gently removing her little hands from his face. She turned her attention to a stuffed turtle on the shelf, screeching happily and making grabby hands out towards it. “You like that one baby girl? I suppose we can get a treat, seeing as it’s a special occasion!” He grabbed the turtle off the shelf and put it in her hands. She immediately started hitting it against his chest. He feigned injury, groaning exaggeratedly. She giggled. 

As they went up to the checkout line, Tony heard a familiar voice.

“Fuck Tony?” as Tony turned around, he could see that Dr. Mallory was regretting saying anything. 

“Doctor Mallory! Oh my gosh it’s so nice to see you!” Tony exclaimed in his high pitched annoying work voice. He wanted nothing more than for this interaction to end so he could go home with Marina. “How have things been at the base without me?” the baby on his chest grabbed his hand and started inspecting it. 

“They’ve been fine for the most part, though I must say that Mark’s tweet’s have been remarkably dry. It’s been a lot quieter though, which is a blessing,” Tony forced a laugh. “May I ask who this is?” Mallory asked, gesturing towards Marina, who was currently trying to chew on Tony’s watch. 

“Oh this? This sweet little lady is my niece, Marina. She’s decided to come stay with her Uncle Tony for a while, haven’t you Mari?” She started wailing, loudly. Tony bounced and shushed her, begging her to wait so he could help her once they were done here. They got in line, Mallory waiting behind them. 

“How long is she staying with you?” he asked, placing the one tube of toothpaste he was buying on the counter as Tony paid for his items.

“Ummmm,” Tony mimed thinking long and hard about the answer, “eighteen years or so I think,” he waited for Mallory to pay for his toothpaste before making his way for the exit with his cart. Mallory followed.

“Oh wow,” he said. His expression was unreadable, “so you’re a father now,” 

“Yep!” Tony squeaked, “Ain’t that fun?” 

“Yes, Tony, it’s very… fun, I’m just wondering,” Mallory was doing a sort of half-skip to keep up with Tony’s stride as they made their way toward the car, “Do you think you're the best choice to raise this child? I mean, you’re busy all the time, and don’t take this the wrong way, but you aren’t exactly known for being trustworthy,” 

Tony was silent as he buckled a still screaming Marina into her car seat. As he went back around to start loading the trunk, he addressed Mallory.

“Hey Adrian?” he said, “Here’s something, you don’t know me. You don’t know anything about me, or my family, or about Marina’s situation. You certainly don’t know enough to suggest that I’m not fit to raise my niece.” He closed the trunk, and turned around to face the scientist standing behind him, “Do you need a ride somewhere? Or will I see you on Monday?”

Mallory was silent, looking slightly shell shocked. He had never heard Fuck Tony speak so seriously.

“I’m fine, I’ll see you on Monday,” The lack of anger or frustration on Tony’s face as he nodded in response to Mallory was unnerving. 

“Okay, bye. Say bye to Doctor Mallory, Marina!” Marina didn’t say anything, of course, and they drove off, leaving Mallory in the dust wondering what the hell had just happened. 

\--  
At six months old, she should be sleeping through the night. But every night Marina cried for hours, and nothing he did could fix it. He just sat in her room, holding her until she tired herself out. He thinks she misses her mom. 

He does too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's one more chapter, I haven't quite finished it yet because I'm stuck on the last scene, but it'll be up today or tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony eats some delicious chicken and remembers.

The Monday he was scheduled to return to work, he got dressed in his regular suit and tie, styled his hair in it’s upright, spiky position, and strapped Marina to his chest to get ready to go. 

Then he immediately put her back in her crib. He washed his hair in the sink, letting the greasy product rinse out as his hair immediately curled back into its natural state. She liked to play with his hair and he couldn’t have her hands getting all covered in gel. As he looked in the mirror at his exhausted and now slightly disheveled reflection, he sighed and took his tie off slowly. He didn’t want to choke if she decided to pull on it. He looked different than he used to, but then again, he was different. 

Walking into the base with Marina for the first time was strange. He had worked so hard over the years to create a specific reputation, and he could imagine how carrying a baby in a papoose might mess with people’s views of him. It was hard not to be embarrassed, he’s Fuck Tony Scarapiducci, asshole and social media influencer! 

Feeling Marina’s breath against his chest steadied him, and he made his way to General Naird’s office, having already prepared his daily tweet. He found the office empty, as always, with Brad guarding the waiting area. 

“Oh no, Fuck Tony’s back,” he said, then gaped when he saw Marina and Tony’s raised eyebrows, “Oh! Uhhh, Tony’s back. Anyway, General Naird isn’t in right now, you’ll have to wait out here,” Tony smirked.

“Alright, fine.” Brad pouted. Tony’s smirk turned into a grin.

“It’s good to be back. Don’t tell him I’m in here, Brad!” he yelled as he spun through the double doors. 

He sat down on the chair in front of Naird’s desk, mindful of the baby still strapped to his front. He remembered the last time he’d been in this office, and what was going through his mind. He’d barely been able to comprehend Abby’s death. 

The phone call had come unexpectedly in the middle of the work day, that Abby and her husband had been killed in a car accident. Chan was with him when he had gotten the news. He had tried to hug him but Tony had pushed him away. 

The door opened behind him, and he spun around animatedly.

“Hey General Naird! I have your morning tweet ready for review!” His own volume frightened him, and he felt Marina tense against his body. He resolved to make his work persona quieter from now on. 

“Hey Tony,” Naird walked up to sit at the desk across from him, clasping his hands on the table. Tony could clearly see a small smile on his lips, “Thank God you do. I just cannot get a hang of this whole Twitter thing,” 

“Ah! Well, that’s why you have me sir,” Tony replied, taking his phone out of his pocket to allow Naird to view the tweet. He grabbed the phone and stared at it for a few seconds, then shrugged and handed the phone back. 

“Seems good to me, I trust you,” he looked back and forth between Marina and Tony a few times before grinning at Tony. “Is this the famous Marina I’ve heard so much about? I heard you two ran into Adrian at the store,” Tony cringed internally. That whole interaction could have gone much better, but he definitely didn’t regret what he said. 

“Yes indeed! Marinara sauce, do you wanna say hi to General Naird?” he looked down at her wide, slack-jawed expression. He lightly grabbed her wrist and waved her hand at Naird.

“Hey there Marina!” Naird scrunched up his face and gave the baby a little wave. She giggled at him, then grabbed at Tony’s sleeve to chew on it. The two men looked back at each other, deciding to just let her do her baby thing. 

“You do know about the childcare offered here, right? It’s free for everyone on base,” Naird pressed the question gently, letting Tony take a minute to respond to it. 

“Yeah, I just….” He trailed off, his unoccupied hand making its way to her thick head of hair and running through it, “I don’t think I'm there yet?” when he heard his own admission he rushed to justify it, “I just need like, a week or two before I can let someone else take care of her, if you don’t want her nearby I guess I could take more time off, or uh, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said anything I can totally put her in daycare, sorry I don’t know what I was thinking-” 

Naird waved a hand to silence his panicked rambling.

“Tony, it’s okay. You can keep her with you as long as you need. If she becomes too disruptive I can give you more time off. Now, if that’s all we need to cover this morning, I have another meeting to get to and I’m sure you have work to catch up on. I’ll see you later at dinner,”

Tony nodded and got up to leave. It wasn’t until he was halfway out the door that he turned back around.

“Dinner?” he hoped there wasn’t an important dinner meeting he had to attend, he wasn’t really prepared for that sort of thing. 

“Tony, you look like death warmed over. Tonight you and Marina are going to come over, you are going to eat dinner with me and my daughter, and that is an order!” Naird smiled, putting a hand on Tony’s shoulder as he brushed past him to leave the office. Tony watched him as he left, shocked and confused at the kindness his usually gruff boss was showing him. 

For the most part, his day went as it normally did. People commented on Marina, of course, she was hard to miss, but they were all kind about her being there. He did his job without a hitch, and if people noticed that his personality was almost nothing like it was before, then they didn’t say anything.

“Why do you think Naird invited me over for dinner?” he asked Chan from across the lunch table they were sharing.

“Probably because you look like shit.” Chan responded, shoving pasta into his mouth.

“I mean what if he’s going to try to tell me to give away my niece? Every other person I’ve talked to seems to think that’s the right option, and honestly? What if they’re right? I’m never going to be able to do this,” Chan stopped him with a hand resting on his forearm. Tony felt electricity run up to his shoulder, his heart pounding. 

“Tony, stop. He just wants to help you out because he knows that you’re very tired, and he knows what it’s like to raise a child. He’s not going to take your baby, and neither is anyone else. I mean look at her, she adores you!” they looked down at Marina, who was taking a nap and drooling all over his chest, “You are doing amazing,”

“Thanks, Chan,” their eyes lingered together for a moment more before they both went back to their meals, the silence weighing on them. It was too much for them to address right now. There was too much at stake. 

They both left to go do their jobs without saying another meaningful word to each other. 

\--

Tony approached Naird’s front door, Marina in his arms and a bottle of wine in his diaper bag. He rang the doorbell hesitantly, only for it to immediately be opened by a grinning Erin. Tony had never seen the teenager look so excited about anything. 

“Hi, sweetheart! How are you doing tonight?” she cooed, shaking Marina’s tiny hand gently, “Come on in you guys!” she gestured them inside, allowing room for them to enter. Tony looked incredulously at Naird, who just shrugged.

“She loves kids,” he mouthed, trying to explain her out of character behavior. He spoke up again at a normal volume, “Anyway, dinner is almost on the table, if you wanna come on in,” Tony started following them into the house.

“Would one of you mind taking her for a second while I get her high chair from the car?” he asked, gesturing back towards the door.

“No need, I found Erin’s old one in the garage. I had forgotten it was in the memory box when we moved. Now put your kid down and sit at the table before I have to use force,” 

Tony chuckled and raised his hand in a mock salute, placing Marina in the high chair and the end of the table and tying her bib around her neck. He took some mashed carrot baby food out of his bag and some plastic spoons. 

“I can feed her if you want to take a break and eat,” Erin offered, coming back into the dining room with freshly cleaned hands and a salad. 

“Are you sure?” Tony replied, opening up the container of mush, “I’ve found that she likes to throw things,” 

“Yeah, that’s fine, I hate everything I’m wearing,” she replied, gesturing to her school t-shirt and bootcut jeans. 

“Yeah, same,” he replied, unable to stop the ridiculous asshole side of him from making an appearance. He handed over the spoon and let her do the dirty work, laughing with her as Marina hit her little hands against the tray and sent orange goo flying all over Erin and herself. 

The chicken that Naird made for dinner was heavenly, but that might have been because it was the first thing Tony had eaten besides reheated spaghetti in two weeks. They laughed over stories of the ridiculous antics their coworkers got up to at the base, and hung out in a calm adult dinner party way that Tony hadn’t participated in in years. 

As Tony helped clear the table and do the dishes, Erin offered to give Marina a bath. 

“Do you know how not to kill her?” he asked, seriously. There were a lot of ways that could go wrong.

“Yeah, I was a babysitter for tons of different families back in DC. I know how to bathe a baby,” she crossed her arms over her chest, as if she were annoyed that he would even ask. He put his hands in the air in a gesture of surrender.

“Okay, that sounds great. I’d rather my car didn’t smell like carrots forever,”

Erin smiled and carefully picked up Marina, carrying her off to what he assumed was the bathroom. Naird picked up the bottle of wine Tony had brought over and opened it, pouring each of them a glass. They sat down on the couch in the living room and didn’t talk to each other for a few minutes, Tony breathing deeply as he started to feel the exhaustion deep in his bones.

“She looks like you,” Naird said, breaking the silence. Tony laughed under his breath.

“She looks like her mom,” he responded, clearing his throat, “her mom looked like me though,” he took a sip from his glass.

“Is that so?” Naird asked nonchalantly.

“Yeah. There was this one summer when we were in middle school, we grew our hair out to the same length, and nobody could tell us apart the whole time,” he smiled at the memory, “We would try to trick our parents into calling us by the wrong name,”

“Jesus Christ, that sounds insufferable,” Naird spoke through laughter, trying to imagine parenting Fuck Tony.

“It was! We were the worst!” Tony looked over at him, grinning, “Abby never got in trouble though, it was always me. Abby would like, destroy an antique vase and pretend it was me doing it, but I would just sit there wearing one of her dresses and I would be grounded for a week!” he rolled his eyes, remembering the unfair punishments that had always seemed to favor him, “Guess what we would do when that happened though,”

“What?”

“She would pretend to be me and be grounded for me,” he and Naird burst into laughter, Naird slapping his hand against his knee. They both took another sip of wine. 

“Abby sounds like a good one,” Naird remarked. Tony smiled sadly.

“Yeah,” he whispered, “she was.” He felt tears rise in his eyes suddenly, and he shook himself off, rubbing his eyes. 

“Sorry!” he sniffed, trying to pull himself together, “I haven’t really had the chance to sit down and think about her since she died, what with Marina and all,” he finished his glass of wine, shaking his head when Naird offered him some more. 

“That’s alright,” Naird said gruffly. He poured himself another glass, hoping the alcohol would loosen him up enough to comfort the kid in front of him who clearly needed it, “What was she like?”

“God, she was-” Tony leaned back against the couch, “she was fucking amazing. She was smart, and kind, and funny,” his voice wavered slightly as he spoke, “People had so many expectations of her, and she just took it in stride and met every single one. She even went and married a nice Jewish boy!” he let out a teary chuckle.

“She wasn’t perfect though, not like our parents thought she was. She was a huge adrenaline junkie, we used to sneak out and she would jump off cliffs while I yelled at her. She was hot tempered, and stubborn, and her hair was ridiculous, she could never get it under control. And her laugh was the worst!” Tony grinned at the memory of staying up far too late, telling funny stories, “It sounded like she was choking!” Not that his own laugh that followed the admission was much better, loud, high pitched and grating. He took a deep breath and sobered himself.

“And she always thought she wasn’t good enough, because of those things, but she was wrong. They made her so much better because she was human. She was a human being, and our parents couldn’t train that out of her, no matter how hard they tried.” he faltered, lost in his own recollection. “She’s probably the only reason I’m still alive.” 

“Why’s that?” asked Naird. Tony startled at the sound of his voice. He had been quietly listening to Tony as he spoke, letting him lead the conversation. 

“When I uh,” Tony cleared his throat, preparing himself for what he assumed would become a Conversation, “when I came out, my mom wanted to kick me out of the house,”

Naird sucked a breath in through his teeth, cringing with sympathy.

“Abby was the one who convinced her not to. She begged and begged, and my mother could never resist her favorite child, so I was allowed to stay. Even so, she didn’t say a word to me for years until I moved out. Abby kept me afloat,” as Tony took a shuddering breath in, the first of his tears falling from his eyes, Naird had an epiphany. 

Tony was Fuck Tony, loud, irritating, and impossible to ignore, because he knew what it was like to be neglected. He made sure he was seen, because he was trying not to disappear again. 

“And now,” Tony continued, unaware of the revelation that had just rocked Naird’s world, “she’s gone, and all that’s left of her is Marina, and I don’t know what to do. Marina would be so much better off if her mom were still here. She would be the luckiest kid in the entire world. But she’s stuck with a dumb as rocks social media manager who doesn’t care about anyone but himself,” he put his head in his hands, trying to suppress the sob that racked through his trembling body. 

“She deserves so much better than me. I don’t know how I’m going to do this.” a choked gasp cut him off, and they sat silently together for a few moments.

“Do you want to know what I think?” Naird asked softly, breaking the silence. When Tony didn’t answer, he continued, “When I look at you, I can immediately see how much you’ve changed. You’ve been taking care of this kid for what, three weeks? And in that time you’ve readjusted your entire life to center around her,” Naird put a hand on the young man’s shuddering back, trying to ground him in the moment, “That doesn’t sound like something a selfish person would do. It sounds like something a good parent would do.” Tony looked up at the general, his tear soaked face painted with the despair he had been holding back for weeks.

“Tony, you deserve time to grieve what you’ve lost. This is a huge responsibility that can’t imagine you were prepared to take on, and you have been so strong for her. I’m not going to tell you how to raise her, that’s your business, but if you ever need a break for a night or two, Erin could always use a second job,” he smiled, patting Tony on the back once before removing his hand and leaning back against the sofa. Tony chuckled along with him, wiping the tears and snot off his face.

“I might take you up on that offer,” he admitted, looking up as Erin walked back into the room, holding a half-asleep Marina. 

“She’s all clean! She did so good, didn’t you sweet girl?” She lightly bounced her up and down, waiting for Tony to stand up so she could pass her over to him.

“Oof, looks like someone’s all tuckered out!” he whispered, letting Marina rest her head on his shoulder, “I guess we better get going. Thank you Erin,” she nodded at him and went to her room, leaving the two men alone in the main area.

Tony grabbed his bag from the front hall, lingering by the door somewhat awkwardly.

“Thank you for the meal,” he said, “and, you know, for letting me talk back there,” he shifted side to side, looking at his shoes.

“It was a pleasure to have you two over,” he said, waving off Tony’s thanks. He put a hand on Tony’s shoulder, causing the younger man to look up and make eye contact with the general, “I’m proud of you.” 

Tony felt tears come to his eyes once more, and he cleared his throat so his voice wouldn’t crack when he replied.

“Thank you sir,” he whispered. Naird smiled gently at him, then went in for a hug. Tony moved out of the way so as not to wake the baby, which led to a painfully awkward dance that ended with Naird giving Tony a stiff salute, red in the face. Tony laughed and returned the gesture, then left the house, silently closing the door behind him. 

As he drove away from his boss’ home, the car blanketed in the comfort of the quiet night, Tony looked in the rear view mirror at his niece. She was fast asleep, her thumb in her mouth and her head lolling to the side against her car seat headrest. She looked happy and peaceful. He smiled.

Maybe they were going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is, the last chapter! I love this AU so much, be prepared for some one shots coming out very soon. I'll never be able to let go of this universe. If you want to request anything, I might take some suggestions.


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